I do

Some times it is good to do things that you don't want to do or aren't sure you can do. I'm not exactly a social butterfly and the idea of going to social events does not fill me with delight. This has been particularly true since moving to Virginia. I don't know anyone here and therefore know that I will not know anyone at these events. I'd much rather just stay home and watch TV. Those characters, I know. But I made a deal with myself when I moved, that I would make an effort to avoid being a recluse. Today I went to a reception for new faculty at the university president's residence. I bought some new clothes yesterday that I was kind of looking forward to wearing, but overall I wasn't thrilled with the idea of going. I always imagine the very awkward scenario of standing around with a drink, watching everyone else talking. Worse yet, approaching someone, but having absolutely nothing to say. And then of course, there is the scenario where I do think of something to say, but then spend the rest of the day wishing I could take it back. Anyway, with all of these dances playing in my head, I almost chickened out and didn't go, but I decided that I would go and if it was too horrible, I would just leave. I found the place no problem. GPS at least removes the anxiety of not being able to find a place. It was a beautiful old house in the woods, and there was parking which I was also concerned about. (Yes, I am neurotic about these things. I'm a researcher. I think about potential problems.) As I was parking, I noticed a couple of guys that I met at orientation arriving with their wives. Already I was more at ease. I ended up having a pretty good time talking with them and wasn't tortured at all. I can't say that this was one of the best afternoon's of my life or even in the top 100. What I can say is that it was living. A fair amount of my time is spent in front of a computer and/or a TV and while I am content there, I've started to feel that I'm not living. Essentially, I'm just letting time pass. It takes no effort and reaps no rewards. Actual living takes effort. I have to get up and do things. Go shopping. Go to these social events. Take walks in the words. Go visit museums. Call old friends. Try new things. Meet new people. Somethings I might not want to do and may make me uncomfortable, but at least they're living. I don't know that there is a point to these things or even a point to life, but I do think that just letting time pass is beyond pointless. I was once asked what the meaning of life is. I responded that it was being as happy as you can be, while trying to avoid harming others. Don't get me wrong, I've been pretty happy with a couple of episodes of a couple of TV shows, but somehow I just don't think TV makes me as happy as I can be. At least I hope not. I need to remind myself that some effort is required and hopefully rewarded. (Life: some assembly required)

P.S.
I was actually tortured a little at the reception today. I couldn't seem to keep the new shoes I bought yesterday on my feet. They kept trying to slide off as I walked. Oh well, c'est la vie. :-)